I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
