Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize