the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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