I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
