just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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