she was so not down for the gang bang
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
