It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
