It's Friday. Sex?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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