the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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