based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
