I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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