went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My penis needs a shock collar
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
God, I missed his penis.
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