Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
