he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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