She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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