i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
