but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
