Princesses don't give blow jobs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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