I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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