I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
