it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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