Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
