I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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