I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
