I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
