she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You were trust falling into bushes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A bitchslap is in order.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
