You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
