Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
