Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize