Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
