"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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