jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize