got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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