Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
