I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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