I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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