I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
