just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is my gift to your gina
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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