don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
