i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
