youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
