Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
