i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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