she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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