I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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