you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
