sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
