i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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