Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
