I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
