VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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