I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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