She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
