I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
