I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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