so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
