i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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