I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The air was thick with penises
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
