Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
