Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
