***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
tequila makes me forget i have legs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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