Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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