hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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