You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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