Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
