Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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