don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
