so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
