she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
