Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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