I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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