so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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