we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
