if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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